Gambling with a Joker
by ErisC
Summary: A woman hides notorious Harley Quinn. When Joker comes looking for her, and finds Ms. Spade instead, what happens?
1. Chapter 1

The sun shone down in the small courtyard. A warm summer breeze stuck to my tangled hair. I ran a gloved hand through it and waited for the girl to come out. Sitting on a wall isn't the best way to spend my day. There weren't very many houses close by so it was easy to get one of my larger cronies to give me a lift on top of the stone wall. He, along with the two others I brought along, shuffled impatiently under me. I looked at them and they stopped moving.

The sliding glass door to the large white house opened and out came the girl. She was talking to a rather interesting looking character that had tattoos all over his neck and arms. He gave her a large yellow envelope and shook her hand. She smiled and sat down on a bench.

I was blocked from their view by a giant apple tree. I snatched one off its branch before jumping down. The oaf went back inside and the girl opened up the envelope. I could see the green of money. I took a bit from my apple and licked the juice before tossing it over the wall.

"I didn't realize people like you took part illegal activities," I sauntered into the sun casually. She jumped at the sight of me but quickly composed herself.

"How did you get in here?" she asked. I pointed to the wall.

"You know, it's hot out here. You want to go inside?" I asked flapping my purple jacket. She remained seated.

"Not a very good hostess are you?" I asked sitting right next to her.

"I know who you are looking for and I can't tell you anything," she looked at me impassively.

"Oh really? I don't believe you," I smiled. She sighed.

"That's your problem," she tried to get up but I put my feet on her lap. She took the hint and sat back down.

"You are ruining my shirt," she gave me a dirty look.

"You want to know how I got these scars?" I asked her.

"Not really," she replied.

"Well you are no fun," I smirked as I took out a knife. I twirled with it through my fingers.

"I don't have what you want. She stopped sending me messages three years ago. She also owes me two and a half mil. So if you care to take care of that for her, great. But if not, get the fuck off of my property before I call the cops," she pushed my legs off her and stood.

"You think I'm looking for Harley? Oh that bitch is dead," I watched her reaction. She seemed surprised but not upset.

"So why are you here?" she asked.

"Because I heard a pretty little lady lived here that could help me," I smiled at her and patted the seat next to me. She sat back down.

"What's in it for me?" she asked.

"You don't even know the job," I smiled and leaned back.

"I've heard whispers though. Shit is about to go down. And you are the cause of it aren't you?" she asked me.

"Pretty and smart. You want a ribbon?" I said.

"No thanks, I have plenty," she smiled at me. I nodded slowly. Licking my lips I leaned closer to her.

"I can promise you a good time," I smiled wide at her. She smiled back.

"I want something more than a good time. Cash, drugs, power. Take your pick."

"I can get you everything you want," I stood up.

"Then I can get you what you need," she laughed. I grabbed her arm and cut into it. She flinched from pain and surprise. Blood pooled and poured out. Furious, she looked at me for an explanation.

"A reminder of our promise. It's been swell to meet you Ms. Spade," I smiled at her and gave her my card.

"Same to you as well Mr…"

"Joker," I bowed low and giggled manically


	2. Chapter 2

I plopped down on a couch and kicked off my muddy shoes. We had just spent and hour walking around in the woods and getting lost in the sewers. The three idiots I brought along with me huffed and puffed the whole way but didn't manage to blow a path to the lair. I'm surrounded by amateurs.

"Where'd you go?" someone asked from behind me.

"Harley, come here sweetheart. I need something to lighten up my day," I smiled up at her. She walked around the couch and sat down on my lap.

"I have a present for you," I giggled. She squealed and hugged me around the neck.

"Well what is it?" Harley looked around the room and at the three men who were still trying to catch their breath. I pointed to them. We giggled and she stood up to slaughter the baboons. I pulled out a newspaper. Humming to the melody of death screams, I flipped through to find something interesting. Harley came back and laid down on top of me.

"I have a present for you too," she said. She rubbed my thighs and kissed my scars. I through away the newspaper and rolled her over. She sat up on my lap and I grabbed her ass. It was still as plump and sexy as ever. She laughed.

"I still have a surprise for you," I gestured for her to come closer. She leaned forward.

"Closer," I smiled. She giggled and nibbled on my ear.

"What is it?" she whispered. I slit her throat. She gurgled. I pushed her onto the floor.

"Now I have to change. Thanks a lot babe," I complained to the writhing woman on the floor. Blood gushed everywhere. She rolled over to face me. I watched the life drain from her eyes as she smiled at me.

"That's my girl," I laughed. I shook out my jacket. Blood rained down on Harley's corpse. I licked my lips. They tasted like the red liquid.

"Clean up on isle one!" I laughed. Some of the baboons came in and gagged at the sight. Staying as far away from me as possible, they cleaned up the mess and left. I was too absorbed in my thoughts to notice anything.

"The new girl wants money huh? Power. She has all of that. I hate it when people get greedy"

_But you need her. _

"I don't need her. She's just useful."

_So you want her. _

"Well that depends," I argued with myself. I paced through the room, leaving bloody tracks everywhere.

_You like her._

"I like her ability to keep them distracted."

_A lawyer isn't the best ally to have. _

"A lawyer who plays the DA like a puppet is a powerful ally. She can keep them busy while I go after the Batman."

_You need the Batman. You don't need the girl. _

"Let's give her a test run. Rob a bank. If she doesn't do her part, kill her. If she does well, let's keep her around."

_Ok. _

"I think we scared off the idiots," I looked around the empty room.

_You don't need the idiots._

"Conversation for another time," I laughed.


End file.
